Nightmares
by sailor-elsa
Summary: Usagi had never stopped fighting, not really.


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

* * *

She thinks he doesn't notice, but he does.

Usagi is a girl with a sunny disposition and a carefree attitude, and it's one of the main reasons why he loves her as much as he does. She could bring a smile on anyone's face, and her spirit could light up the world.

Although, sometimes, he noticed that she seemed to have trouble bringing a smile to her own face.

It's the little things that he notices shortly after she's moved in with him. There are some mornings when her eyes are dark, and she's quiet and brooding; she becomes different, and he has trouble finding his Usako. Other times, he'll get home from his late runs at the hospital and she'll already be up, curled up into a ball on the couch watching the television.

There are times where she would simply stare off into space, and he would have to say her name multiple times to even get her to glance up at him. When she does, she'll look at him, confused.

"Hmm?" She'll say.

"Are you okay, Usako?" He'll respond.

She'll smile and nod her head.

"I'm great."

He thought maybe she was homesick, or maybe she was lonely. He worked a lot, and she was often in the apartment by herself. Luna resided with Artemis now and she visited Usagi during the daytime. Usagi was so prone to loneliness, so he figured that must be it.

He made extra efforts for them to visit her family on weekends. He even asked the girls to check up on her when he was busy at work. He figured with enough love, she wouldn't feel so homesick anymore.

But it wasn't homesickness.

He notices things, little things. Like the way she'll stop and stare at a mirror, a look of cold disdain on her face. Sometimes, whenever the door slams too loud or someone talks too loud, she'll jump.

One night, he doesn't have to work, and he finally gets to lay next to her. It's very rare, and he cherishes it. It's something that he wishes he could do more often, but being a doctor is also one of his biggest dreams.

So getting to sleep with his fiancee is nice.

Usagi is an active sleeper, to say the least. She falls asleep curled up next to his side, her arm draped over her chest and her knees in his rib cage. He's a bit uncomfortable, but he doesn't say a word. She doesn't sleep well anyway, and if that made her comfortable, he could deal with it. He can feel the bit of drool on his arm as she begins to snore.

He chuckles, and soon he falls asleep too..

He sleeps for a few hours and then her screams wake him up.

He jumps up, nearly falling off the bed; his heart leaps when he honestly believes she's in trouble. It's not until he reaches in the dark, feeling for her body, that he can feel her trembling. He quickly reaches over and flips on the light on the nightstand.

She's fine, physically. But in her own mind, she's in some kind of wicked trap from a villain that has set it's claws in her. Her screams echo off the walls, getting higher in volume and pitch. And it hurts him, hearing her scream. It's always hurt him when she's hurting, and her screams are enough to make him break down into tears.

He clears his mind, and grabs her narrow shoulders.

"Usako, wake up.. it's just a dream!" He coaxes, shaking her gently.

She doesn't pay any heed. Her screams die down and she's still sobbing, her hand clutching the blanket and tears streaming down her face. She shakes her head and can finally make out what's she saying.

"N-No.. don't l-leave me.." She sobs. "D-Don't leave me I'm not.. s-strong enough."

His heart breaks, and he's practically on top of her now. He kisses her forehead, her cheeks, her nose. He desperately tries to wake her; he tries to wake the love of his life from a place he couldn't get to. A place where she was being terrorized by a villain that was most likely long gone.

"Usako, come on, it's just a dream." He whispers in her ear.

Finally, her eyes open and she let's out one sob.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you!" She sobs.

He backs up, as she sits up in bed. Her breathing is frantic and he can see her eyes dart back and forth, trying to confirm that she wasn't in fact dreaming. He can see the way she pinches her hand. She's lost in her own world, and all he can do is watch.

"Usako.." He trails off.

She just shakes her head and lifts her hands to scrub at her cheeks. He stares at her, but she refuses to look back. Her face is turned from him, resting on her knees. He doesn't know when Usagi went from wearing her heart on her sleeve, to hiding her feelings.

"I-" She doesn't finish her sentence, breaking off in a sob once more.

He stands up, and walks into the kitchen, leaving her by herself. He can hear her call for him frantically. She honestly believed that he had left her to deal with the nightmare by herself.

He grabs a glass, and prepares her a glass of water.

He walks back into their bedroom, and she's in the same position, only she managed to actually look at him now. She looks at him, and then at the glass of water. He hands it to her, and she shakes her head.

"You need something to drink, before you make yourself sick." He states.

She reluctantly takes the glass, and takes a sip. She stares straight ahead, and he climbs into bed. He watches her as she drinks, and for the longest time there is a silence between them. He isn't used to her being so quiet.

"I couldn't save you.." She whispers, finally. Her voice breaks. "I watched as you and the girls.. star seeds were taken.. and I-I couldn't save you."

He grabs a hold of her free hand, and she stiffens, but allows him to hold her hand. She leans over and sets the glass on the nightstand, and then with her free hand, she starts fumbles with the hem of her nightgown.

"Only, Chibiusa was there, and she disappeared." Usagi explained, her eyes lacking that oh so familiar light. "And, the girls- they took every blast that was meant for me."

She shakes her head and sniffs. Mamoru can see the tears that fall onto her nightgown.

"It was just a dream, everyone's safe." Mamoru whispers, wiping the tear from her cheek.

"But it really happened, Mamo-chan!" She cries, pulling her hand away from his. "It really happened, and I couldn't save you guys! All because I-I'm weak, a-and everyone a-always dies for me! Always!"

She sobs her earnest this time, her entire body shaking with her sobs. He understands. The last battle with Galactica had broken something inside her. She had literally lost everything, and she had to continue on.

She just couldn't get away from the fact that they had died.

He isn't good at this kind of thing. When it comes to cheering people up or showing affection, that's Usagi's greatest talent. Now it was his turn to cheer her up, and he honestly was at a loss for words.

"I have nightmares too." He says gently.

Her sobs die down once more and she turns to look at him. Her eyes are puffy from her tears, her hair is disheveled, and her face is bright red from scrubbing at her face with her hands. She looks at him, listening. He continues.

"I've had them for awhile and they're always about losing you." He explains. " That time that I held you in my arms when we battled Fiore, and I couldn't get you to breath. That time I was under Beryl's control, and I couldn't stop myself from hurting you."

"B-But you never wake up screaming." Usagi sniffs.

"I used to," he recalls, "I used to wake up crying. But now, I'm just much better at hiding them."

"I'm not." Usagi shakes her head.

"That's because, you have an open heart." He grabs a hold of her hand, and she turns towards him. "One day, it won't hurt as bad. I've had the liberty of not having to be the last one standing.. And I'm sorry that I seemed to look over the fact that you always are."

She nuzzles her head against his chest, and he strokes her back gently. He always seemed to underestimate her strength, or look over the fact that she had hurt so much.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. "How long has this been happening?"

He tries to fathom how she could hide everything since the battle. The girl was currently eighteen, and the battle had happened when she was sixteen. How long had she been having these nightmares?

"For about a year.." She whispers. "I didn't want anyone to think I was weak. That I couldn't handle it."

He lifts her chin up, and meets her eyes. "No one would ever think you're weak, Usako. No one."

"But I can't handle.."

"Having nightmares doesn't mean you can't handle something. Having bad memories doesn't mean that you're weak. I'm sure the girls have nightmares too, okay?" He says. "I fell in love with a strong girl. A girl who can stand up and keep going even after she lost everything."

"I wanted to give up, though." Usagi whispers.

"But you didn't." He responds.

She smiles at him, and he smiles back. Soon her arms are around his shoulders, and her lips are on his. He cups her cheeks with his hands and returns the kiss, and he finally feels like he has her back.

She pulls away.

"I love you, what would I do without you." She sighs.

He stays up with her that night. They talk about random things and he laughs as she rants about the current manga she was reading, and how unfair the ending is. And he tries to coax her in to sleeping, and he promises her that he wouldn't go to sleep until he was sure she was asleep.

She refuses to sleep, saying she's not tired.

She falls asleep four minutes later.

That morning, Usagi is all smiles.

* * *

ehh, i'm honestly trying not update my fic, and this has been in my drafts for quite a bit. I was a bit conflicted on rather or not I would post it, but I did.. of course.

I think I Usagi is played off of happy-go-lucky all of the time, but I don't think that's the case at all. She really is always the last one standing, and that probably does something to a girl.

please review.


End file.
